Zihar (comparison to the back)

A forbidden word

Zihar consists in telling one's wife: "you are to me like my mother's back". All scholars forbid it: it is a foul and lying word, counted among the great sins by some. Allah says: "And among you are those who say such words about their wives: they are not their mothers; their mothers are those who gave them birth" (al-Mujadala 2), and: "your wives you repudiate by zihar are not your mothers" (al-Ahzab 4). The Shafi'is define it as likening one's wife to a woman forever forbidden; the Hanbalis add comparing a part of her body, or even likening her to a man, relative or stranger.

Its form

The scholars agree: whoever tells his wife "you are to me like my mother's back" is a mu-zahir.reported by Ibn al-Mundhir

The explicit formula takes effect without intention; the allusive one requires intention, as in divorce. Likening the wife to his eternal mahrams, sister, aunt, mother through nursing, falls under zihar for the Hanafis; comparison with a temporarily forbidden woman, like the wife's sister, is discussed among the schools.

Its effects

Zihar suspends relations: the husband may not approach his wife before the expiation, by the Muslims' agreement, by virtue of the verse: "those who repudiate their wives by zihar then return to what they said must free a slave before any contact; otherwise, two consecutive months of fasting before any contact; and whoever cannot, feed sixty poor people" (al-Mujadala 3-4). The rest of married life continues: maintenance, housing, her other rights remain, and no waiting period runs.

The expiation

• freeing a slave: ordered by consensus of those able at that time;
• without a slave: fasting two consecutive months, by consensus;
• unable to fast: feeding sixty poor people, by consensus, day by day or at once according to the schools.

The order follows the verse: one moves to the next stage only upon inability. Ibn Qudama specifies that consecutive fasting is not broken by a permitted night act; relations with the wife during the expiation belong to the details the schools settle.

Practical note

This rule protects the rank of mothers: no comparison between a wife and a mahram. A word slipped in anger carries a serious expiation: speak with respect, and if the word is uttered, discharge it by the Quran's order with a scholar's advice.