Mourning traditions to avoid: the '40th day' and its derivatives

Many Muslim cultures have developed mourning rituals unknown to the Sunna: the fortieth day, the anniversary of death, obligatory meals, paid collective Qur'an readings. The method of fiqh: distinguish what is reported from what is added, with the named views of the scholars.

What the Sunna establishes

• The widow's mourning: four months and ten days (sura al-Baqara 234); general mourning of three days for every woman other than the widow (Muslim 968);
• condolences: visits and words of comfort, with no time limit; feeding the bereaved family: "prepare food for the family of Ja'far, for what has come upon them preoccupies them" (at-Tirmidhi 998): it is the family of the deceased who is fed, not the reverse;
• supplication, charity and pilgrimage on behalf of the dead: reported and recommended ways.

What the Sunna does not know

• The 40th day: asked about the gathering forty days after death to recite the Qur'an, Ibn Baz replied that this is done "neither on the fortieth day, nor on the first day, nor in the second week, nor on the anniversary: all of that is among the innovations and superstitions" (fatwa no. 10842, official site);
• the Standing Committee for Research and Fatwas (Fatawa al-Lajna ad-Da'ima): nothing in the Qur'an, the Sunna or the practice of the Companions establishes a fixed date of gathering in memory of the dead, neither the 1st day, nor the 7 days, nor the 40;
• Ibn Uthaymin: the "fortieth-day wake" is one of the innovations some people hold when forty days pass over the deceased; nothing of it is reported in the Sunna;
• obligatory meals for visitors: the niyaha followed by meals is expressly blamed (Ibn Majah 1610); reversing its meaning (feeding the bereaved family) is the Sunna;
• professional wailers and loud wakes: forbidden (the niyaha, Muslim 934; "she is not one of us who strikes her cheeks", Muslim 103);
• paid collective Qur'an readings on a fixed date: reciting for the dead is hoped to be a grace according to the majority; contracting it for payment as a dated ritual turns the act of piety into a service.

The middle way

Remembering the dead on any given day through a visit, a charity or a supplication is not the issue: the blame bears on the obligatory ritual and its commerce. Families honour the dead through established acts: ongoing charity ("when a man dies his deeds are cut off except three: an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, and a righteous child who supplicates for him", Muslim 1631), supplication, personal free recitation.

Practical note

Facing a family attached to these customs: gentleness and unity first. Fiqh forbids exploiting mourning, not consoling: let money and energy go to the dead (charity) and the living (support), not to the ritual.