Islamic Fiqh > Marriage and family > Engagement (khitba) and its rules > The proposal: status, speech and sought qualities
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Updated on 24 September 2026 at 7:46 PM
The khitba, the proposal of marriage, opens the way to the marriage contract in fiqh. The jurists of the four schools define it as a mere promise, neither a contract nor a condition for the validity of marriage, and they regulate precisely its legal status, its opening speech, the qualities to seek in a wife, and the limits that apply according to the woman's situation. This first installment compiles twelve sheets of the al-Mawsu'a fiqh encyclopedia on the chapter of engagement: from the legal status of the proposal to the rules governing a proposal made to a woman during her 'idda.
The grammarian an-Nahhas, may Allah have mercy on him, first notes that the word khutba in Arabic designates speech that has a beginning and an end, or any term formed on the fu'la pattern, such as "ukula" and "duqhta" ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/189). The khitba, meanwhile, is a means toward marriage: a mere promise, neither a contract nor a condition for the validity of marriage, and on this there is no disagreement among the jurists. Marriage is therefore valid without it, by the unanimous agreement of the four schools.
Abu Bakr ibn al-Mundhir, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "I know of no one among the people of knowledge who declared a marriage corrupt because the contracting party omitted the khitba" ("al-Ishraf", 5/12).
The jurists of the four schools hold it to be recommended, based on what is reported from 'Urwa:
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked for the hand of A'ishah from Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr said: "But I am only your brother." He replied: "You are my brother in the religion of Allah and in His Book, and she is lawful for me."Reported by al-Bukhari (4793)
Nor is it obligatory, by the unanimous agreement of the four schools, so that marriage without it remains valid. Evidence: the account of Sahl ibn Sa'd, reported by al-Bukhari and others, concerning the woman who offered herself to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him.
A woman came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said that she had offered herself to Allah and to His Messenger. He said: "I have no need of women." A man said: "Marry her to me." He said: "Give her a garment." The man said: "I find none." He said: "Give her at least an iron ring." The man brought it. He said: "Do you have any Quran memorized?" The man said: "Such and such surahs." He said: "I have therefore married her to you with what you possess of the Quran."Reported by al-Bukhari (4741)
Imam Ibn Qudamah, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The khitba is not obligatory according to any scholar we know of, except Dawud (the Zahiri), who made it obligatory for the reason mentioned." What those scholars cite proves, moreover, only the imperfection of a marriage contracted without a khitba, not its obligation. The contract remains valid without it: "A man said to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him: 'Marry her to me,' and the Messenger of Allah said: 'I have married her to you with what you possess of the Quran'"; this hadith is agreed upon by al-Bukhari and Muslim, and no khitba is mentioned in it.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, also arranged a marriage with a freedwoman of Omar without going beyond these words: "I have married you in accordance with what Allah has commanded: kind companionship or release with kindness." Ja'far ibn Muhammad reported from his father: "Al-Husayn would marry off some of al-Hasan's daughters while sweat streamed down him," both versions reported by Ibn al-Mundhir. Abu Dawud also reported, with his chain, the words of a man from the tribe of Sulaym: "I asked the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, for the hand of Ummamah bint Abd al-Muttalib, and he married me to her without delivering a speech" (Abu Dawud, 2120). Since marriage is a contract of exchange, the khitba is not required in it, as in a sale.
Ibn al-Qattan al-Fasi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The khitba of marriage is not obligatory according to all the jurists, with the exception of Dawud, who declared it obligatory" ("al-Iqna fi masa'il al-ijma'", 3/1146, no. 2118). Taj ad-Din ad-Damiri, a Maliki, said: "Malik declared it recommended in the Mudawwana (Kitab Muhammad) and called it 'an affair of old'; it is not obligatory according to the majority of jurists, contrary to Dawud" ("Tahbir al-Mukhtasar", 2/534).
Al-Mawardi, may Allah have mercy on him, wrote: "Know that the khutba of marriage before the proposal (khitba) is a recommended sunna, not an obligation." Abu Ubayd al-Qasim ibn Sallam and Dawud ibn Ali, however, declared it obligatory, citing the report of al-A'raj, from Abu Salamah, from Abu Hurayrah: "Every significant undertaking that is not begun with the praise of Allah remains cut off," a hadith judged weak, and the fact that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, never concluded a marriage for himself without a prior proposal: it was Abu Talib who asked for the hand of Khadijah on his behalf, and Talhah ibn Ubayd Allah who asked for that of A'ishah on his behalf; he married Fatimah to Ali, and both of them were the object of a proposal. It is also argued that this is an accepted practice to which the people of every era in every land have subscribed, which amounts to a consensus that admits no disagreement; and that what distinguishes concealed zina from public marriage would then be obligatory in marriage, like the guardian (wali) and the witnesses ("al-Hawi al-Kabir", 9/163-164).
"Then marry them with the permission of their families"
Surah An-Nisa, 4:25
The proof that it is recommended without being obligatory lies in the statement of the majority of jurists: Allah made the permission of her family a condition, without mentioning the khitba. When the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, married the woman who had offered herself to her suitor, he said: "I have married her to you with what you possess of the Quran," without making a proposal; and it is reported that a man from Sulaym asked the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, for Ummamah bint Abd al-Muttalib, and he married him to her without a proposal. It is also reported that al-Husayn ibn Ali, may Allah be pleased with them both, married off one of the daughters of his brother al-Hasan while sweat streamed down him, too occupied to make a proposal; and that Ibn Omar married his daughter without adding anything beyond: "I have married you in accordance with what Allah has commanded: kind companionship or release with kindness."
If the khitba were obligatory in marriage, omitting it would annul the marriage; but the jurists' consensus on the validity of a marriage contracted without it proves that it is recommended, not obligatory. Since marriage is a contract, the khitba is no more required in it than in other contracts. As for the hadith cited ("every significant undertaking..."), it does not establish an obligation: it only informs that the deed is "cut off," and moreover this statement has a known cause, which we explained at the beginning of the book ("al-Hawi al-Kabir", 9/163-164).
Ibn Rushd, may Allah have mercy on him, summarizes the debate: "As for the khutba of marriage reported from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him: the majority say it is not obligatory, while Dawud says it is. The cause of the disagreement is whether his act, peace and blessings be upon him, is to be interpreted as an obligation or as a recommendation" ("Bidayat al-Mujtahid", 2/2). The reply to the arguments of Abu Ubayd and Dawud: the Prophet married some of his wives without a proposal; the practice cited does not constitute a consensus, given the reported disagreement; and the argument from the distinction between hidden zina and public marriage does not prove obligation, any more than it does for the wedding feast.
The jurists of the four schools agree that it is recommended to deliver a khutba (a speech) at the khitba, when seeking marriage. They differ on the number: should there be two speeches, one from each party, or one? The Malikis and Shafi'is opt for four recommended speeches.
According to the Malikis, a speech is recommended when seeking marriage. It is rhymed speech (musajja'), opened with the praise of Allah and the two testimonies of faith, containing a verse commanding piety and fear of Allah (taqwa) and a mention of the intended aim. It may be explicit: "So-and-so asks for the hand of so-and-so," or implicit: "He wishes to join you and enter into kinship with you." The suitor then says: "Praise be to Allah, and may the prayers and peace be upon His messenger," and recites these verses:
"O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except in a state of submission to Him"
Surah Ali 'Imran, 3:102
"O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from a single soul and created from it its mate, and spread from the two of them many men and women. Fear Allah, in whose name you appeal to one another, and honor the ties of the womb. Indeed, Allah watches over you"
Surah An-Nisa, 4:1
"O you who believe, fear Allah and speak words of proper justice"
Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:70
He continues: "So-and-so has turned toward you, inclined to you, and has fixed for you a dower (mahr) of such and such: give him in marriage," or: "We seek your alliance, your kinship and your company," or words to that effect. The family sought answers him in like manner, then says: "We accept your request." The basmala must precede all of it, for it is an important matter.
A speech is likewise recommended at the conclusion of the contract, but the one who takes the initiative at the khitba is the groom or his agent, while at the contract it is the guardian (wali) or his agent. The guardian says, after the praise and what accompanies it: "I give you in marriage my daughter, or my sister, or the daughter of so-and-so," or: "I give her to you in marriage for a dower of such an amount." The groom answers after the speech: "I have accepted this marriage for myself"; his agent says: "I have accepted this marriage for the one I represent," or words to that effect.
It is recommended to keep the speeches brief in both cases, for length breeds weariness. The minimum: "Praise be to Allah, and may the prayers and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah; as for the rest: I give you in marriage my daughter, for example, for such an amount," and the groom or his agent says, after the praise and the prayer: "As for the rest: I have accepted this marriage for myself, or for the one I represent, for the dower mentioned." The one who opens at the contract is the guardian, and this is best; if the groom opens, it suffices. An interval between the offer and the acceptance by way of speech does no harm, and the apparent ruling is that an interval by silence of equal length does no harm either. The total of the speeches is therefore four ("Jawahir al-Iklil", 1/175; "Sharh Mukhtasar Khalil", 3/167; "ash-Charh al-Kabir ma'a Hashiyat ad-Dasuqi", 3/5-6; "Tahbir al-Mukhtasar", 2/534-535; "ach-Charh as-Saghir ma'a Hashiyat as-Sawi", 4/302).
Al-Hattab, may Allah have mercy on him, clarifies: "The khutba (with the first letter closed) is the singular of khutab, and it is legally established both for the khitba (with the first letter opened) and for the contract." Malik said: "The shorter of it is better." In "at-Tawdih," some of the elders set the minimum: the guardian says: "Praise be to Allah, prayers and peace upon His messenger; I give her to you in marriage for such an amount," and the groom: "Praise be to Allah, prayers and peace upon His messenger; I have accepted this marriage." In "adh-Dhakhira," the author of "al-Muntaqa" (Ibn Abd al-Barr) says: the speech recommended at the khitba is to praise Allah, extol Him and pray upon His Prophet, peace be upon him, then recite the verses reported by at-Tirmidhi (the three verses cited above), then say: "So-and-so has turned toward you, inclined to you, and fixed a dower of such and such: give him in marriage." In "al-Jawahir": the speech is likewise recommended at the time of the contract. Shaykh az-Zarrouq wrote in "Charh al-Irshad": "Recommended is the khutba, which is the praise of Allah and the prayer upon His Prophet, along with the recitation of an appropriate verse, at the khitba." And Malik: "What is light of it is most beautiful."
The upshot is that the khutba is recommended on the part of the suitor, of the one who answers before his answer, of the groom, and of the one who gives in marriage. Ibn Arafa reported two opinions concerning the speech of the respondent at the khitba: one denies its recommendation, based on the apparent wording of Muhammad, while the other affirms it, based on Ibn Habib; the second is what was mentioned in "at-Tawdih" and retained alone in "al-Muqaddimat." Ibn Arafa also said that it is recommended to keep the khitba of marriage concealed, and that the suitor begin, before the proposal, with the praise of Allah and the prayers and peace upon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, the family sought responding likewise before its answer. Al-Fakahani declared at the beginning of "Charh al-Arba'in" that beginning with the praise of Allah is recommended for the suitor, the bride and the one who gives her in marriage; and Allah knows best ("Mawaheb al-Jalil", 5/29-30).
As for the Shafi'is, they recommend that the suitor, or his agent, deliver one speech before the khitba and another before the contract. He begins with the praise of Allah, His extolling, the prayers and peace upon the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, counsels piety, then says: "I have come to ask you for the hand of your noble daughter." If he is an agent: "The one I represent has come to ask you for the hand of your noble daughter." The guardian or his agent answers him in like manner, then says: "You are welcome." All of this is agreed upon as recommended.
The imams, may Allah be pleased with them, supported the khutba of marriage with what is reported from Abdallah ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, in both mawquf form (stopped at him) and marfu' form (raised to the Prophet):
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, taught us the speech of need, in marriage and beyond: "Praise be to Allah: we seek His help, we ask His forgiveness, and we seek refuge in Him from the evil of our souls. Whoever Allah guides, none can lead astray, and whoever He leads astray, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His messenger. O you who believe, fear Allah as He should be feared... O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from a single soul... O you who believe, fear Allah and speak words of proper justice."Sahih hadith: reported by Abu Dawud (2118), al-Tirmidhi (1105), al-Nasa'i (1404) and Ibn Majah (1892)
This speech is called the "speech of need" (khutbat al-hajah). After the verses, the speaker says: "As for the rest: all matters are in the hands of Allah. He decrees in them what He wills and judges what He desires; none can delay what He has advanced, nor advance what He has delayed, and two persons do not come together nor part except by a decree, a destiny and a prior writing. It is among what Allah has decreed and preordained that so-and-so, son of so-and-so, asks for the hand of so-and-so, daughter of so-and-so, for a dower of such and such. That is my word, and I ask Allah's forgiveness for myself and for you all."
A second speech is recommended, as mentioned, before the contract, when the guardian or his agent is about to pronounce the offer; it is firmer still than the first. If the guardian opens with his speech ("Praise be to Allah, prayers upon the Messenger of Allah: I give you in marriage...") and the groom pronounces his before accepting ("Praise be to Allah, prayers upon the Messenger of Allah: I have accepted this marriage..."), the marriage is valid even though a speech comes between their two utterances, according to the soundest opinion: what is interposed serves the interests of the contract and does not break continuity, like the standing between the two Friday sermons. The four speeches are therefore:
("an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/43-44; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/232-233; "Nihayat al-Muhtaj", 6/239; "ad-Dibaj", 3/180-181.) The Hanafis and the Hanbalis, for their part, opt for a single speech.
The Hanafis say: it is recommended to begin with a khutba, that is, the praise and testimony of faith mentioned before conducting the contract; it is not bound to any fixed wording, and to follow the transmitted text is more beautiful. It is: "Praise be to Allah, we praise Him, we seek His help and His forgiveness, we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and the wickedness of our deeds; whoever Allah guides, none can lead astray, and whoever He leads astray, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity but Allah, alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His messenger," followed by the verses cited ("Hashiyat Ibn Abidin", 3/8).
The Hanbalis say: it is recommended that the contract be preceded by the speech of Abdallah ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, delivered by the officiant or anyone else present, before the offer and the acceptance; delaying it until after the contract is permitted, and it should then be said despite the forgetting. It is reported that Imam Ahmad, when present at a marriage contract in which the speech was not delivered, stood up and left them: an extreme measure by which he underscored its recommendation. In that case the testimony of faith and the prayer upon the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, suffice, based on what is reported from Ibn Omar: "When he was invited to conclude a marriage, he would say: 'Praise be to Allah; may Allah bestow His graces upon our master Muhammad. So-and-so asks you for the hand of so-and-so: if you marry them, praise be to Allah; if you decline, glory be to Allah.'" What is preferred is a single speech, not two, one from the officiant and one from the groom before his acceptance, for what is reported from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and from the righteous predecessors is a single speech: this follows the sunna best ("al-Mubdi'", 7/17; "al-Insaf", 8/38; "Kashshaf al-Qina'", 5/21-22; "Matalib Uli an-Nuha", 5/27).
The qualities suited to a good shared life, which must necessarily be sought in a wife so that the contract endures and its aims are fulfilled, are eight: religion, character, beauty, a modest dower, fertility, virginity, good lineage, and the fact of not being a close relative.
The first quality: being virtuous and devout, according to the words of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him:
"A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. Choose the devout woman: may your hands be covered in dust (may you prosper)."Reported by al-Bukhari (4802) and Muslim (1466)
This is the foundation to which one should attend. Al-Mawardi, may Allah have mercy on him, notes three interpretations of this saying of the Messenger of Allah: the first is that "may your hands be covered in dust" means here "you will be self-sufficient," although linguistically it means "you will be in need," making it a word of opposite meanings, for the Messenger of Allah could not curse one who never disobeyed him, his supplication being answered in any case; the second is that the meaning would be: "may your hands be covered in dust if you do not choose the devout woman," for whoever neglects her is stripped of blessing and falls into need; the third is that it is a light expression upon the tongues of the Arabs for closing a speech, with no curse or blame intended, like their saying: "What a wretch, may Allah kill him," or: "How fast he walks, may his hands be cut off" ("al-Hawi al-Kabir", 9/101).
An-Nawawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The sound understanding of this hadith is that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, described what people customarily do: they seek these four qualities, placing religion last; as for you, O seeker of guidance, choose the devout woman, this not being a command." Shimr said: hasab is the good deed of a man and of his forefathers. The hadith also encourages keeping company, in all things, with religious people, for whoever befriends them benefits from their character, their blessing and their sound ways, and is safe from harm on their part ("Charh Sahih Mouslim", 10/51-52).
A woman weak in religion, in guarding her person and her chastity, weighs upon her husband, blackens his face among the people, and disturbs his heart with causes of jealousy; life grows bitter with her. If he follows the path of ardor and jealousy, he remains in trial; if he follows the path of leniency, he is negligent toward his religion and his honor, and is counted among those lacking zeal and dignity. If she is beautiful and corrupt at the same time, her trial is harsher still: the husband suffers at having to part from her, able neither to bear her nor to bear leaving her. Like the man who came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him:
"Messenger of Allah, I have a wife who does not refuse the hand of any toucher." He said: "Divorce her." He said: "Yet I love her." He said: "Then keep her."Authentic chain: reported by al-Nasa'i (3465) and al-Bayhaqi in "al-Kubra" (5339, 5659)
If he ordered him to keep her, it was out of fear for him: were he to divorce her, he would pursue her out of passion and be corrupted along with her. The Prophet thus judged it preferable, given the harm averted by the marriage's continuance, the hardship of his heart being dispelled. And if she corrupts her religion by consuming his wealth or otherwise, life remains troubled: if he stays silent without objecting, he becomes a partner in disobedience, contravening the word of Allah:
"O you who believe, ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire"
Surah At-Tahrim, 66:6
If he objects and disputes, life is shortened by troubles. This is why the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, insisted so strongly on seeking the devout woman: such a woman aids religion, whereas one who is not devout distracts from it and troubles it.
The second quality: good character. It is an essential foundation for seeking tranquility and support in religion. If she is harsh, sharp-tongued, ill-tempered and ungrateful for blessings, her harm outweighs her benefit, and patience before the tongues of women is a trial by which guardians are tested. An Arab said: "Do not marry six kinds of women: the plaintive, the one who recounts her favors, the longing one, nor the covetous, the pampered one, nor the talkative one."
It is also reported that the traveler of the tribe of Azd met the prophet Ilyas, peace be upon him, during his wanderings, and that the latter ordered him to marry and forbade him celibacy, then said to him: "Do not marry four kinds of women: the mukhala'a, the boastful one, the dissolute one and the rebellious one." The "mukhala'a" demands divorce by compensation (khul') at every hour, without cause. The "boastful" one boasts before others of the vanities of this world. The "dissolute" one is she who is known for secret lovers, she of whom Allah said:
"... nor women who take secret lovers"
Surah An-Nisa, 4:25
The "rebellious" one (nashiza) is she who dominates her husband by her deeds and her words, "nashaz" denoting what is elevated from the ground. Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say: "The worst traits of men are the best traits in women: miserliness, vanity and cowardice." The miserly woman guards her wealth and her husband's; the vain one refuses to speak gently to anyone; the coward fears everything, no longer leaves her house, and shuns places of suspicion for fear of her husband. These accounts point to the virtues sought in marriage.
The third quality: beauty of face. It too is sought, for through it chastity of the gaze is secured, and nature is generally not content with mediocrity; all the more since beauty of form and beauty of character are rarely separated. What has been reported urging religion, and the statement that a woman is not married for her beauty, is not a bar to caring for beauty: what is barred is marriage for beauty alone, joined to corruption in religion, for beauty alone usually spurs one to marriage and makes light of religion.
That beauty is taken into account is confirmed by the fact that affection and tenderness are generally attained through it; the Law indeed recommended seeking its causes, and recommended the look. Anas ibn Malik reported that al-Mughirah ibn Shu'bah wanted to marry a woman, and the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Go and look at her: it is more likely to create lasting affection between you" (al-Tirmidhi, 1087; Ibn Majah, 1865), a sahih hadith. Affection arises from the meeting of two skins, "adama" denoting the inner skin and "bashara" the outer skin; the mention is made by way of stressing union. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, also reported:
I was with the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansar. The Messenger of Allah said to him: "Did you look at her?" He said: "No." He said: "Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar."Reported by Muslim (1424)
It has been said that there was dimness of sight (amash) in their eyes, and it has been said, smallness of the eyes (sighar). Some of the devout would not marry off their daughters except after the look, as a safeguard against deception. Al-A'mash said: "Every marriage concluded without a look ends in worry and grief." It is evident that the look knows neither character, nor religion, nor wealth: it distinguishes only beauty from plainness. It is reported that in the time of Omar, may Allah be pleased with him, a man married after dyeing himself, and his dye faded at once; the woman's family accused him before Omar: "We took him for a young man." Omar struck him painfully and said: "You deceived the people."
Deception touches beauty and character alike: it is removed regarding beauty by the look, and regarding character by description and honest inquiry, and this should precede the marriage. Only a man of discernment, truthful, acquainted with the apparent and the hidden, should describe a woman's character and beauty: one who is not attached to her to the point of exaggerating her praise, and does not envy her to the point of belittling it; natures, at the beginnings of marriage and in the description of brides, tend to excess or deficiency, and rare is the one who remains fair and measured; deception and enticement are most common, and caution matters for whoever fears for himself the intoxication of desiring a woman other than his own wife.
As for the one who seeks in a wife only the reward, or children, or the management of the household: if he dispenses with beauty, he is closer to asceticism (zuhd), for marriage remains, all in all, a portion of this world, even if it sometimes aids religion in the case of some people. Abu Sulayman ad-Darani said: "Asceticism in everything, even in women: a man marries an old woman out of detachment from the world." Malik ibn Dinar, may Allah have mercy on him, used to say: "One of you abandons marrying an orphan girl, in feeding and clothing whom he would earn reward, light in upkeep and content with little, and instead marries the daughter of so-and-so and so-and-so (the children of the world), who demands pleasures of him: 'Clothe me in this and that.'" Ahmad ibn Hanbal chose the one-eyed woman over her sister, though the sister was beautiful: he asked, "Which of the two is the more sensible?", and upon the answer "the one-eyed one," he said: "Marry me to her." Such is the practice of one who does not seek enjoyment; but the one who does not feel safe in his religion so long as he has no lawful enjoyment should seek beauty: pleasure in what is lawful is a fortress for religion.
It has been said: if the woman is beautiful, of good manners, dark of gaze and hair, large-eyed, very fair of complexion, loving her husband and looking to none but him, she has the likeness of the houris. Allah indeed described the women of Paradise with these traits:
"good and beautiful ones"
Surah Ar-Rahman, 55:70
"The good ones" denoting those of fine character; and in His saying:
"with restrained gazes"
Surah As-Saffat, 37:48
and:
"full of love for their husbands, of equal age"
Surah Al-Waqi'ah, 56:37
"Arub" denotes she who loves her husband and desires union, by which pleasure is completed; "hur" the fair one, "hawra" she whose eye-white is intense and whose dark pupil is deep amid black hair, and "'ayna" she of wide eyes.
"The believer has gained nothing better, after fear of Allah, than a virtuous wife: if he commands her, she obeys; if he looks at her, she pleases him; if he swears an oath concerning her, she fulfills it; and if he is away, she acts sincerely toward him in regard to herself and his wealth."Weak hadith: reported by Abu Dawud (1664) and Ibn Majah (1857), who is its first transmitter, as well as by al-Hakim in "al-Mustadrak" (1487), who judged it sahih by the criteria of the two shaykhs (al-Bukhari and Muslim) without including it
The look at her truly pleases only if she loves her husband.
The fourth quality: a light dower. From Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both: the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "The best of them are those whose dower is the lightest" (Ibn Hibban in his "Sahih", 4034). And from A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her: the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "The woman who carries the greatest blessing is the one whose upkeep is the easiest" (weak hadith: Ahmad, 25162; al-Nasa'i in "al-Kubra", 9274). Exaggeration in the dower was discouraged:
A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said: "I have married a woman of the Ansar." He said to him: "Did you look at her? There is something in the eyes of the Ansar." He said: "I did look at her." He said: "For how much did you marry her?" He said: "For four uqiyyah." The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Four uqiyyah! It is as if you were digging silver out of the side of this mountain."Reported by Muslim (1423)
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, married one of his wives for ten dirhams and a household furnishing: a hand mill, a jug, and a leather cushion stuffed with palm fiber. He consummated the marriage with one of them for two mudd of barley, and with another for two mudd of dates and two mudd of sawiq (ground roasted barley). Omar, may Allah be pleased with him, discouraged exaggeration in the dower and said: "The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, neither married nor gave his daughters in marriage for more than four hundred dirhams. If exaggeration in the dowers of women had been an honor, the Messenger of Allah would have attained it before you." One of the companions of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, married for a gold nugget worth five dirhams. Sa'id ibn al-Musayyab married his daughter to Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, for two dirhams, then personally led her to him by night, brought her in through the door and departed; he came back to see her after seven days and greeted her. Marrying for ten dirhams, in order to leave the area of scholarly disagreement, poses no problem.
Just as exaggeration in the dower is disapproved on the woman's side, asking about her wealth is disapproved on the man's side: he should not marry out of greed for money. Ath-Thawri, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "If he marries while asking, 'What is there for the woman?', know that he is a deceiver." If he gives them a gift, he should not give in a way that compels them to reciprocate with more; and when they give him a gift with the hidden aim of gaining more, the intention is corrupt. Mutual gift-giving, however, is recommended and a cause of affection, according to the word of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him:
"Give gifts to one another, and you will love one another."Hasan hadith: reported by al-Bukhari in "al-Adab al-Mufrad" (594)
The seeking of increase falls under the meaning of Allah's word:
"and do not give, seeking to gain more"
Surah Al-Muddaththir, 74:6
that is, giving in order to obtain more; and under His word:
"and whatever you give in usury, that it may increase within the wealth of people"
Surah Ar-Rum, 30:39
Riba being the increase, and this is a seeking of increase in general: all of this, though outside riba-bearing wealth, is disapproved and constitutes an innovation in marriage; it resembles trade and gambling and corrupts the aims of marriage.
The fifth quality: fertility. If she is known to be barren, let one abstain from marrying her. Ma'qil ibn Yasar reported:
A man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and said: "I have found a woman of noble lineage and beautiful appearance, but she does not bear children: should I marry her?" He said: "No." The man came a second time, and he forbade him; then a third time, he said: "Marry the loving and the fertile, for I will boast of your numbers among the nations."Hasan sahih: reported by Abu Dawud (2050) and Ibn Hibban in his "Sahih" (4056)
Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, used to command marriage and sternly forbid celibacy, saying: 'Marry the loving and the fertile, for I will be the most numerous of the prophets on the Day of Resurrection.'"Reported by Ibn Hibban in his "Sahih" (4028)
If she has no husband and her situation is unknown, her health and her youth are considered: she will most often be fertile with these two traits, and it is recommended that she be one of the women known for abundant offspring.
The sixth quality: virginity. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said to Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him: "Have you married a virgin or a previously married woman?" He said: "A previously married woman." He said: "Why did you not marry a virgin, so that you might amuse one another and make each other laugh?" (al-Bukhari, 2805, 4949, 5052; Muslim, 715). And the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Prefer the virgins: they have the sweeter mouths, the more fertile wombs, and are content with little" (hasan hadith: Ibn Majah, 1861). Virginity carries three benefits:
The seventh quality: that she be of noble kinship, that is, from a family of religion and uprightness, for she will raise her daughters and her sons; if she herself has received no upbringing, she will not know how to discipline and raise them well. This is why the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Beware of the green herbage upon the dung heap." He was asked: "What is the green herbage upon the dung heap?" He said: "The beautiful woman raised in a bad environment" (very weak hadith: al-Qada'i in "Musnad ash-Shihab", 957). He also said: "Choose well for your offspring" (hasan hadith: Ibn Majah, 1968); and it is reported: "Choose well for your offspring, for lineage is tenacious and hidden" (weak in this wording).
The eighth quality: that she be unrelated to his family, that she not be a close relative, as the Shafi'is and the Hanbalis state explicitly. Al-Ghazali, may Allah have mercy on him, said: this diminishes desire, based on the report raised to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him: "Do not marry close relatives, for the child is born frail"; and ash-Shafi'i, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "Any family whose women do not go out to other men has foolish children." "Close kinship" among the Shafi'is is that of the first degrees of cousinage, unlike the son of the paternal cousin or the son of the maternal aunt, who is even preferable to a non-relative, given the affection of the blood tie added to it ("ad-Dibaj", 3/167).
Al-Khatib ash-Shirbini, may Allah have mercy on him, explains: the statement "she is not a close relative" belongs to the negation of the described thing qualified by an attribute, and thus applies to the non-relative as well as to the distant relative, the latter being preferable; ar-Rafi'i demonstrated this, following "al-Wasit," by the cited hadith ("Do not marry close relatives, for the child is born frail," that is, slight), the cause being the weakness of desire; yet the child may nonetheless be noble-natured according to the disposition of his people. Ibn as-Salah said: "I found no reliable basis for it"; and al-Subki said that this ruling should therefore not be affirmed, for lack of proof, especially since the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, married Ali to Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, who was a close relative. As for the preference for distant kinship, it is stated in the addition of the Rawdah; but the author of "al-Bahr" and "al-Bayan" reports that ash-Shafi'i stated that it is recommended for him not to marry from his own clan, which al-Zanjani explained by one of the aims of marriage: connecting the tribes for mutual support, assistance and unity. It is better to take ash-Shafi'i's words, may Allah be pleased with him, as referring to his nearest clan, without the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab, his aunt's daughter, contradicting this: he married her to demonstrate lawfulness; nor Ali's marriage to Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her: she is, all in all, distant, being the daughter of the son of his paternal uncle, and that marriage was likewise a demonstration of lawfulness ("Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/214).
Ibn Qudamah, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The non-relative is preferred, for her offspring is more vigorous; hence the saying: 'Emigrate, do not weaken,' that is, marry foreign women so that your children may not be weak." Others say: "Foreign women are more fertile, and the paternal cousins more patient." Another argument: in marriage with close kin, enmity cannot be ruled out, leading to divorce, which would result in severing the tie of kinship that Allah commands to be maintained; and Allah knows best ("al-Mughni", 7/83).
Such are the qualities sought in women. The guardian must also consider the qualities of the husband: let him look to his ward and not marry her to a man of bad character or unpleasing appearance, of weak religion, unable to fulfill her rights, or who does not match her in lineage. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Marriage is a form of servitude: let each of you see where he places his ward (his daughter)." Caution on her behalf is most important, for she is vulnerable in marriage, with no way out, and the husband can divorce at any time. In any case, to marry one's daughter to an oppressor, a wicked man, an innovator or a wine drinker is to injure her religion and incur Allah's displeasure by severing the right of the tie of kinship and choosing badly. A man said to al-Hasan: "My daughter has received several proposals: to whom shall I marry her?" He said: "To the one who fears Allah: if he loves her, he will honor her; if he dislikes her, he will not wrong her." And it is reported from ash-Sha'bi: "Whoever marries his ward to a wicked man severs her tie of kinship" ("Ihya' 'ulum ad-din", 2/37, 41; "al-Muhadhdhab", 2/34; "al-Bayan", 9/114, 118; "Charh Sahih Mouslim", 9/211; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/213-214; "al-Mughni", 7/82-83; "al-Kafi", 3/85; "Majmu' al-Fatawa", 32/192-193).
A woman is never free of one of three states: either she is unattached, with no husband; or she is married to another; or she is in her waiting period ('idda), whether an 'idda of widowhood or of divorce, the divorce being revocable or irrevocable. Each of these states has its own ruling.
First case: the proposal to the unattached woman. The Muslim jurists agree that proposing marriage to a woman with no husband, no 'idda, not already proposed to, and with no marriage impediment, is permitted, explicitly or by allusion. Ad-Damiri, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The proposal to a woman free of any marriage and any 'idda is lawful, explicitly and by allusion, by consensus, on condition of the absence of marriage impediments and that no one has preceded him with a proposal that was accepted" ("an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/36-37; see "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/228; "Tuhfat al-Muhtaj", 8/518-519; "Nihayat al-Muhtaj", 6/233; "ad-Dibaj", 3/177).
Second case: the proposal to a woman married to another. The people of knowledge agree that it is forbidden for a man to propose marriage to a woman married to another, explicitly or by allusion: the proposal precedes marriage, and a woman in a valid marriage cannot be married by another; her proposal is therefore neither valid nor permitted, but forbidden by consensus. Al-Khatib ash-Shirbini, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The proposal to a married woman is forbidden by consensus" ("Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/228; "Nihayat al-Muhtaj", 6/233; "al-Hawi al-Kabir", 9/248). And Ibn Nujaym, a Hanafi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The proposal to a married woman is forbidden, explicitly and by allusion, as in 'al-Bada'i''" ("al-Bahr ar-Ra'iq", 4/164).
A woman is in 'idda either from widowhood, or from divorce, the divorce being revocable or irrevocable; or else from annulment (faskh), dissolution (infisakh) or a doubtful situation (shubhah). As for the suitor, he has only two ways of proceeding: to declare his proposal explicitly, or to allude to it.
First situation: explicit declaration. The people of knowledge agree that it is not permitted, in any way, to declare one's proposal explicitly or to promise marriage to a woman in 'idda, whether her 'idda is one of widowhood or of revocable or irrevocable divorce. This follows from the contrary meaning (mafhum) of Allah's word, in which He permitted allusion and thereby forbade explicit declaration:
"There is no blame upon you for that to which you allude concerning a proposal of marriage to women, or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will mention them. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper word. And do not determine to undertake the marriage knot until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing."
Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:235
Allah indeed distinguished the ruling of explicit declaration from that of allusion in a manner no sound mind can miss; and two different things cannot each receive the other's ruling without a text or a consensus. Once Allah permitted allusion, it follows that explicit declaration is forbidden: it tolerates nothing but marriage, and one cannot be sure that eagerness for marriage will not drive her to announce falsely the end of her 'idda, passion and desire for a husband being able to lead her to lie about the expiration of her term. This is why Allah forbade explicit declaration to the woman in 'idda.
Ibn al-Qattan al-Fasi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "They agreed upon the prohibition of explicit declaration during the 'idda" ("al-Iqna fi masa'il al-ijma'", 3/1152, no. 2121). Al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, reported from Ibn Atiyyah: "The community agreed that speech with the woman in 'idda, when it explicitly states her marriage or calls it to mind, is not permitted; the community likewise agreed that lewd speech, mention of intercourse or incitement to it, and the like, is not permitted; everything other than that is lawful" ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/188). The Hanbalis define explicit declaration as the wording that tolerates nothing but marriage, such as saying: "Marry me," or: "When your 'idda is completed, I will marry you" ("al-Mughni", 7/112; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/111; "Kashshaf al-Qina'", 5/17-18).
Allusion in proposing to a woman in 'idda is of two kinds depending on the one observing it: the widow, the woman divorced three times, or the woman divorced revocably. The first: allusion to the woman in widowhood 'idda. The Muslim jurists agree that it is permitted, by virtue of the verse of Surah Al-Baqarah cited above (2:235), by which Allah permitted allusion to marriage during the 'idda.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, entered upon Umm Salamah while she was observing the 'idda of Abu Salamah and said to her: "You know that I am the Messenger of Allah, His most favored among His creation and the one of highest standing among my people." And that was not a proposal of marriage.Weak hadith: reported by al-Bayhaqi (14017)
Al-Bayhaqi reported it through Abd ar-Rahman ibn Hanzhalah al-Ghasil, from his aunt Sakinah bint Hanzhalah, who relates that Abu Ja'far Muhammad ibn Ali entered upon her during her 'idda, greeted her, and mentioned his kinship to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, to Ali ibn Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, and his standing in Islam and his nobility among the Arabs. She replied: "May Allah forgive you, Abu Ja'far: you, a man whose words are heeded and whose sayings are reported, would propose to me during my 'idda?!" He answered: "What can I do? I only informed you of my standing with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him." Then he related that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, entered upon Umm Salamah bint Abi Umayyah, widowed from Abu Salamah, and kept reminding her of his standing with Allah, until the mat left its mark on his palm from leaning on it, and that this was not a proposal of marriage.
The distinction between declaration and allusion is this: explicit declaration confirms the desire, so that she may lie about the end of her 'idda out of overpowering passion or otherwise, which allusion does not entail. Ibn Abd al-Barr, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "Allusion to marriage during the 'idda is permitted, and the scholars of the early and later generations did not disagree about it: it is a clear text on whose interpretation there is unanimity, except that they differed over the wordings of the allusion" ("al-Istidhkar", 5/385). Ibn al-Qattan al-Fasi said: "They agreed that allusion during her 'idda is lawful if the 'idda is not revocable, or if it is one of widowhood" ("al-Iqna fi masa'il al-ijma'", 3/1152, no. 2122). Al-Qurtubi said: "Allah permitted allusion during the 'idda by His saying (verse 235), and the scholars did not disagree about its being permitted" ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/193).
Al-Mawsili, a Hanafi, may Allah have mercy on him, wrote after permitting the allusion: "All of this concerns the woman irrevocably divorced (by three repudiations) and the widow; as for the revocably divorced woman, neither declaration nor allusion is permitted, for the first marriage still stands" ("al-Ikhtiyar", 3/216).
The Muslim jurists differ over the woman divorced three times: is allusion to her permitted during her 'idda? The majority of jurists, the Malikis, Shafi'is and Hanbalis (and this is what al-Mawsili reports from the Hanafis), permit it. Included in the meaning of the thrice-divorced are the woman subjected to mutual imprecation (li'an) and the one barred by kinship or breastfeeding, by virtue of the verse of Al-Baqarah (2:235), which permitted allusion to marriage during the 'idda.
Fatimah bint Qays relates that her husband, Abu Amr ibn Hafs, divorced her irrevocably in her absence. His agent sent her barley, at which she took offense; he said: "By Allah, you have nothing to expect from us." She went and mentioned it to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, who said: "You have no right to maintenance (nafaqah) from him." He ordered her to observe her 'iddah in the house of Umm Sharik, then said: "That is a house my companions frequent. Observe your 'iddah at Ibn Umm Maktum's: he is a blind man; you may there remove your garments. When your 'iddah is completed, notify me." She notified him.Reported by Muslim (1480)
The distinction between declaration and allusion is the same as set out above: explicit declaration confirming the desire, she may lie about the end of her 'idda, which allusion does not entail; and the statements of Ibn Abd al-Barr, Ibn al-Qattan and al-Qurtubi cited for the widow apply here: allusion is permitted for every 'idda that is not revocable, including that of the triple repudiation ("al-Istidhkar", 5/385; "al-Iqna", 3/1152, no. 2122; "Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/193).
Most of the Hanafis go so far as to forbid allusion to the woman in divorce 'iddah. Al-Kasani, may Allah have mercy on him, sets out the rulings of the 'iddah: the unrelated man may not marry the woman in 'iddah ("and do not determine to undertake the marriage knot until the decreed period reaches its end"), the marriage after revocable divorce standing from every aspect, and after the triple repudiation or irrevocability standing from one aspect during the 'iddah; what is established from one aspect is, by precaution, assimilated in the matter of prohibitions to what is established from every aspect. The husband, however, may marry her during her 'iddah, for the prohibition targets the unrelated men, not the husbands: the 'iddah of divorce is the husband's right, since she remains under the effect of his marriage in one respect, and a right cannot be barred.
It is likewise forbidden for an unrelated man to propose explicitly to any woman in 'iddah, divorced or widowed. As for the revocably divorced woman, she is the wife of her repudiator, the right of marriage standing from every aspect: proposing to her is forbidden as it was before the divorce. As for the woman divorced three times irrevocably, or the widow, marriage during the 'iddah stands from every aspect, and explicit declaration while the marriage partially stands falls under "suspicious standing places" and "grazing near the sanctuary": the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day must not stop at suspicious places," and: "Whoever grazes near the sanctuary is about to fall into it." Explicit declaration during the 'iddah is therefore forbidden in all cases. As for allusion, it is not permitted either during the divorce 'iddah, but nothing is objectionable about it during the widowhood 'iddah. There are two differences: one is that the woman in divorce 'iddah may not leave her house at all, by night or by day, so that allusion cannot be made unbeknown to people, and coming to her husband's house for that purpose is ugly; the widow, however, may go out by day, and the allusion can be made unbeknown to others. The other is that allusion to the divorced woman creates enmity and hatred between her and her husband, the 'iddah being his right: the 'iddah is only due if he consummated the marriage; enmity is inconceivable with a dead man, or with his heirs either, the widow's 'iddah not being the husband's right, since it is due even without consummation: the allusion in that 'iddah therefore does not become a cause of enmity, and there is no objection to it. The basis for permitting allusion during the widowhood 'iddah is Allah's saying: "There is no blame upon you for that to which you allude..." ("Bada'i' as-Sana'i'", 3/204).
In "ad-Durr al-Mukhtar": "The allusion is valid: 'I intend to marry' (a woman in widowhood 'iddah), not the divorced woman, by consensus, for it leads to the repudiator's enmity." Ibn Abidin commented: this statement is transmitted in "al-Bahr" and "an-Nahr" from "al-Mi'raj," and it encompasses the irrevocably divorced woman as well, as az-Zayla'i made explicit. In "al-Fath": the allusion is not permitted to the divorced woman by consensus, for she may not leave her house and so cannot allude unbeknown to people; and it leads to the repudiator's enmity. This transmission of a consensus contradicts "al-Ikhtiyar," which permits allusion to the irrevocably divorced woman ("Hashiyat Ibn Abidin", 3/534).
This allusion to the woman divorced three times is the act of one other than her husband; the repudiating husband, however, may neither propose to her explicitly nor by allusion, since she will never become lawful to him again after the 'iddah: the proposal is therefore forbidden to him.
The Hanafis define it: the allusion consists in mentioning something that indicates something not mentioned. Here, saying to the woman: "You are beautiful, you are virtuous; I wish to marry; I am drawn to you; I wish for us to come together; I want to marry, and I love a woman with the following qualities," describing the qualities she possesses; or: "If only I had a wife like you; I hope Allah will join me with you," and any speech of this kind indicating the intention to marry her ("Bada'i' as-Sana'i'", 3/204; "al-Ikhtiyar", 3/216; "Tabyin al-Haqa'iq", 3/36; "al-'Inaya", 6/142-143).
The Malikis define it: the allusion consists in saying to the woman, during her widowhood 'iddah: "You are to me a noble lady; I am drawn to you; may Allah lead you to goodness and provision; take glad tidings," and the like. It is permitted for a man to give a gift to the woman in 'iddah, for the gift carries affection, so long as it does not amount to explicit declaration during the 'iddah; the maintenance (nafaqah) he pays her is different. If he spends or gives a gift and she then marries another, he takes back nothing from her, whether her withdrawing from his marriage came from him or from her; the same applies to one who spent or gave gifts to a woman he was courting, not in 'iddah, who then marries another ("al-Muwatta", 2/523; "al-Istidhkar", 5/385; "at-Taj wa-l-Iklil", 2/487; "ash-Charh al-Kabir ma'a Hashiyat ad-Dasuqi", 3/11; "Tahbir al-Mukhtasar", 2/541).
Al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The allusion is the opposite of declaration: making the meaning understood through an expression that tolerates it as well as its opposite; the word derives from circling about the thing without revealing it." The wordings reported in exegesis of the allusion are many, and they all reduce to two categories. The first: mentioning her to her guardian, saying: "Do not outpace me with her." The second: making her understand it directly, without intermediary: "I intend to marry; you are beautiful; you are virtuous; may Allah lead you to goodness; I am drawn to you; whoever leaves you is deprived of good; my need lies in women; may Allah decree what is good." Such are the illustrations of Malik and Ibn Shihab. The gift to the woman in 'iddah is permitted and belongs to the allusion, according to Sahnun and many scholars ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/188-189).
The Shafi'is define it: the allusion is what tolerates both the desire for marriage and its absence, derived from partially circling what one wants, such as: "You are beautiful; more than one desires a woman like you; who finds your like? You are not to be disdained" ("an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/39; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/229; "Tuhfat al-Muhtaj", 8/518-519; "Nihayat al-Muhtaj", 6/233; "ad-Dibaj", 3/178).
The Hanbalis define it: the allusion is that from which marriage is understood while tolerating something else, such as: "Do not outpace us, do not deprive us of you; I am drawn to a woman like you; when your 'iddah is completed, notify us; how greatly I need a woman like you." She then answers him by allusion: "You are not unwelcome; what has been decreed will come to pass; what comes from Allah is accomplished" ("al-Mughni", 7/112; "Charh az-Zarkashi", 2/388; "al-Mubdi'", 7/14; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/122-123; "Kashshaf al-Qina'", 5/18; "Manar as-Sabil", 2/543).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The allusion is of several types: at times by mentioning his own qualities, as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, did with Umm Salamah; at times by mentioning to her her own qualities; at times by mentioning a request not naming her specifically, such as: 'More than one desires a woman like you, more than one seeks you'; at times by stating that he seeks marriage without designating her; at times by asking of her what tolerates marriage and other than it, such as: 'If the decree comes to pass...'; and it is open to her to answer in like manner" ("al-Fatawa al-Kubra", 4/528).
Third case: allusion to the proposal for the revocably divorced woman. The people of knowledge agree that it is not lawful to allude to the proposal for the revocably divorced woman, for anyone other than the holder of the 'iddah (her husband): she is a wife, or in the meaning of a wife, and neither declaration nor allusion is permitted. The marital rulings still run upon her: the obligation of maintenance, the possibility of divorce and of zhihar (the oath of estrangement) against her, mutual inheritance upon the death of either, the widowhood 'iddah if the husband dies, and the husband's right to take her back during the 'iddah. Being repudiated, she might moreover lie out of vengeance.
Al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "Allusion to the proposal for the revocably divorced woman is not permitted by consensus, for she is like the wife" ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/188). Ibn Qudamah said: "The revocably divorced woman: no one may allude to her proposal nor propose to her explicitly, for she holds the status of wives: she is like the one in the heart of his marriage" ("al-Mughni", 7/112; "Kashshaf al-Qina'", 5/18; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/112; "al-Hawi al-Kabir", 9/247; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/229). Az-Zarkashi adds: "The revocably divorced woman is excluded from the allusion: it is not permitted to allude to her proposal, without dispute, for she holds the status of the wife; likewise the mubanah (separated by a repudiation barring resumption), whom a contract renders lawful in one respect" ("Charh az-Zarkashi", 2/388).
Fourth case: allusion to the proposal for the woman irrevocably divorced by a divorce short of three, such as the woman released by khul' (mukhala'ah). The jurists differ: permitted or not? The Hanafis, the Shafi'is according to the opinion opposing the azhar (the most apparent), and the Hanbalis according to one narration, forbid it: the allusion becomes a cause of enmity and hatred between her and her husband, and between the husband and the suitor; and her husband has the right to marry her, which brings her close to the revocably divorced woman ("Bada'i' as-Sana'i'", 3/204; "al-Ikhtiyar", 3/216; "Majma' al-Anhar", 2/154; "Charh Fath al-Qadir", 4/342).
The Malikis, the Shafi'is according to the azhar, and the Hanbalis in their madhhab, permit it. Al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "As for the one in the 'iddah of irrevocability, the sound position is the permission of allusion to her proposal" ("Tafsir al-Qurtubi", 3/118; "adh-Dhakhira", 4/192; "Hashiyat ad-Dasuqi", 3/10-11; "As'hal al-Madarik", 2/68). Ibn Abd as-Salam, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The madhhab is the permission of the allusion for every woman in 'iddah, whether in widowhood or divorce 'iddah" ("Mawaheb al-Jalil", 5/45).
The Shafi'is detail: the allusion is permitted, in the azhar, for the woman irrevocably divorced short of three or divorced by annulment, by the generality of the verse and the end of the husband's authority over her; according to the opposing opinion, it is forbidden, for the holder of the 'iddah has the right to marry her, which brings her close to the revocable one. It makes no difference whether the 'iddah is counted in cycles or in months, according to the soundest opinion. It has been said: if the 'iddah is by cycles, it is forbidden outright, for she might lie about the expiration of the 'iddah, driven by desire for the suitor. As for the woman divorced three times, or by imprecation or breastfeeding, the allusion is valid outright ("an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/39; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/229; "Bidayat al-Muhtaj", 3/27).
The Hanbalis say: the allusion is permitted for the woman in the 'iddah of irrevocability other than by three repudiations, such as the mukhala'ah or the woman divorced by annulment for a defect or insolvency or the like. For her husband, explicit declaration and allusion are permitted, for her marriage is lawful for him during her 'iddah: his possession cannot be tainted by his possession, and no mixing of lineage is to be feared. May one other than him allude to her proposal? Two opinions: the sounder, which is the madhhab, is permission, for she is irrevocably divorced and resembles the thrice-divorced woman; according to the other, it is not permitted, for the husband can render her lawful during her 'iddah, which brings her close to the revocable one ("al-Kafi", 3/51; "al-Mubdi'", 7/14; "al-Insaf", 8/35; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/112; "Matalib Uli an-Nuha", 5/23).
Fifth case: the woman in the 'iddah of an invalid marriage or an annulment (faskh) and their likes: the woman in the 'iddah of imprecation (li'an), the one observing istibra' after fornication, and the one separated from her husband for a defect or impotence. The jurists differ: is the allusion permitted to her during the 'iddah? The Malikis, the Shafi'is, the Hanbalis and some Hanafis, in general terms, permit it: Allah permitted allusion to marriage during the 'iddah without restriction, by analogy with the thrice-divorced woman, and because the husband's authority has ceased over them.
The Malikis say: the woman observing istibra' after fornication, her own or another's, or after rape, ownership, doubtful ownership or a doubtful marriage, holds the status of the woman in divorce or widowhood 'iddah: explicit declaration forbidden during the 'iddah, allusion permitted ("Hashiyat ad-Dasuqi ma'a ach-Charh al-Kabir", 3/8, 11; "Charh Mukhtasar Khalil", 3/169). Ibn Abd as-Salam, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "The madhhab is the permission of the allusion for every woman in 'iddah" ("Mawaheb al-Jalil", 5/45).
The Shafi'is say: explicit declaration is not lawful for a woman in 'iddah, whether she is irrevocably or revocably divorced, by divorce, annulment, dissolution, death, or in the 'iddah of a doubtful situation. The allusion, however, is lawful, in the azhar, for the woman irrevocably divorced by annulment, apostasy or divorce, by the generality of the verse and the end of the husband's authority over her; according to the opposing opinion: prohibition. As for the woman divorced three times, or by imprecation or breastfeeding, the allusion is valid outright. All of this concerns one other than the holder of the 'iddah, for whom the allusion and the explicit declaration are lawful; as for the one for whom her marriage is not lawful during her 'iddah, such as the woman who, irrevocably or revocably divorced, was mistakenly consummated with by an unrelated man during her 'iddah and became pregnant by him: the 'iddah of pregnancy takes precedence, and the holder of the doubtful 'iddah may not propose to her, since he cannot then conclude a contract upon her ("an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/39; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/229; "Bidayat al-Muhtaj", 3/27).
The Hanbalis say: the allusion is permitted during the widowhood 'iddah, the 'iddah of three irrevocable repudiations, and the 'iddah of irrevocability by a mode other than triple divorce: the mukhala'ah, divorce for compensation, and annulment for impotence, defect, insolvency, breastfeeding or the like, by Allah's saying: "There is no blame upon you for that to which you allude..." ("al-Mughni", 7/112; "al-Kafi", 3/51; "al-Mubdi'", 7/14; "Kashshaf al-Qina'", 5/18; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/112; "Matalib Uli an-Nuha", 5/22-23).
Ibn Muflih, may Allah have mercy on him, clarifies: for the woman irrevocably divorced other than by three, such as the mukhala'ah or annulment for a defect or insolvency, her husband may propose to her explicitly and by allusion, for her marriage is lawful for him during her 'iddah. For one other than him: two opinions. One: permitted, by the generality of the verse, as with the thrice-divorced woman. The other: forbidden, ruled outright in "al-Wajiz," for the husband can render her lawful, which brings her close to the revocable one ("al-Mubdi'", 7/14; "Charh Muntaha al-Iradat", 5/112).
Among the Hanafis, Ibn Nujaym, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "Know that the statement (of al-Mawsili) is explicit in permitting the allusion to every woman in 'iddah, but this is not the reality: it is specific to the widow; as for the divorced woman, the allusion is forbidden to her by consensus, for she does not go out and so cannot allude unbeknown to people." This is found in "al-Mi'raj," citing "Charh at-Ta'wilat"; then he reports from "al-Yanabi'": "The allusion is not permitted during the divorce 'iddah, for it leads to the repudiator's enmity; I have not seen the ruling on the woman in the 'iddah of manumission, of an invalid marriage or of doubtful consummation, and the purport of the argument is permission" ("an-Nahr al-Fa'iq", 2/488).
Al-Hasqafi, may Allah have mercy on him, wrote in "ad-Durr al-Mukhtar": "The allusion is valid: 'I intend to marry' (a woman in widowhood 'iddah), not the divorced woman, by consensus, for it leads to the repudiator's enmity"; he draws from it the implication: the authorization extends to the woman in the 'iddah of manumission, of invalid marriage and of doubtful consummation ("an-Nahr"); but in al-Kuhustani, in "al-Mudammirat," the allusion rests upon going out. Ibn Abidin, may Allah have mercy on him, commented: the purport of the argument, restricted to the repudiator's enmity, concerns the permission of the allusion, by which the proposal is distinguished from the allusion, meaning that the proposal is not permitted for the woman in the 'iddah of manumission or of invalid marriage, as the commentator said, but the allusion is. As for the statement "but in al-Kuhustani...", it is its literal wording, and no text was found on the 'iddah of manumission, the 'iddah of doubtful consummation, annulment and invalid marriage; one should allude to the first two, unlike the others. In "adh-Dhahiriyyah": the latter two may not leave the house, unlike the first two; and in "al-Mudammirat," the allusion rests upon going out. The upshot: for the first two, namely the woman in the 'iddah of manumission and the one in the 'iddah of doubtful consummation, one may allude, for they may leave the 'iddah house; unlike the woman in the 'iddah of annulment (faskh) and the one in the 'iddah of an invalid marriage: no allusion to them, since they may not go out, the permission of the allusion resting upon the permission of going out ("ad-Durr al-Mukhtar", 5/534).
A preliminary rule, recalled at the head of this last sheet: the woman divorced by an irrevocable divorce may not be the object of any explicit declaration; and if she is revocably divorced, both declaration and allusion are forbidden to anyone other than the one to whom she becomes lawful again (her husband).
Seventh case: the proposal by a man married to four wives, or who has divorced his fourth by a revocable divorce. The Shafi'i jurists state that a man with four wives may not propose to a fifth; if he divorces one of them and she is in her 'iddah, he may not propose to another woman until the 'iddah of the divorced one has ended. The Shafi'is say: the marriage of the woman proposed to must become lawful for him; if he has four wives, proposing to a fifth is forbidden to him, as al-Mawardi states. Likewise, proposing to the one whose combination with his wife is forbidden, such as her sister, her paternal aunt or her maternal aunt, is forbidden during the 'iddah; likewise the second wife of the prodigal (safih) and the third of the slave, according to Ibn an-Naqib.
Al-Balqini, may Allah have mercy on him, differed on this point, saying of the man with four wives: "I found no transmitted report; the closest view is permission, if the intent is that he will divorce one of them if she accepts." His analogy extends to the husband who proposes to his wife's sister. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "It is a legitimate line of inquiry," that is, the examination of lawfulness. Al-Bajirmi said: "It is permitted for a man to propose to a fifth wife or to his wife's sister if he is resolved to remove the impediment upon her acceptance, as al-Balqini explicitly stated; and ash-Shawbari adopts this view." If he proposes to five women at once and they consent, or successively, each answering explicitly, none of them becomes lawful to him until he abandons the first or contracts with four, thereby making the fifth lawful ("Hashiyat al-Bajirmi", 3/388; "Tuhfat al-Habib", 4/151; "an-Najm al-Wahhaj", 7/40; "Mughni al-Muhtaj", 4/230).
As for the other jurists, they discussed the ruling of marriage without addressing the proposal: whoever holds that marriage is not permitted during the 'iddah also permits the proposal, and whoever says "it is not permitted to marry a fifth wife or the wife's sister until her 'iddah ends" forbids the proposal. They agree that a man with four wives who revocably divorces one of them may not marry a fifth until her 'iddah has ended; likewise, one who has revocably divorced his wife may not marry her sister until her 'iddah has ended. Ibn al-Mundhir, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "They agreed that a man who divorces his wife with a revocable divorce may not marry her sister, nor a fourth wife in her place, until the 'iddah of the divorced woman has ended" ("al-Ijma'", p. 371).