Marital intimacy: rules and modesty

What is permitted in marital intimacy

All scholars agree: each spouse may see and touch the other's body as long as the marriage lasts. On looking at intimacy itself, the majority (Hanafis, Malikis, Hanbalis) hold it lawful without unease, while the Shafi'is dislike it; Ibn Rajab notes that most scholars see no prohibition, relying on the reports of the Mothers of the believers who bathed with the Prophet from one vessel, and on the verse: "those who guard their chastity, except from their wives: they are then blameless" (al-Mu'minun 5-6). The husband may ask his wife for the major ablution after menses and lochia, since it conditions the resumption of relations (al-Baqara 222).

The clear limit of marital intimacy: no anal relation

The majority of scholars (Hanafis, Malikis in the widespread view, Shafi'is, Hanbalis) forbid the relation from behind, holding the meaning of the verse: "Your women are a tilth for you; approach your tilth as you wish" (al-Baqara 223): the tilth is the place of sowing. The Prophet said: "Allah does not look at one who possessed his wife from behind". Enjoyments other than anal penetration remain lawful between spouses.

Modesty with others outside marital intimacy

• seclusion with a foreign woman is forbidden by consensus: "No man must ever be alone with a woman without a mahram of hers" (al-Bukhari 4935 ; Muslim 1314); "the third of them is the devil" (Ahmad 14692);
• the brother-in-law: "Beware of entering upon women"; an Ansari asked: and the brother-in-law? The Prophet answered: "The brother-in-law is death" (al-Bukhari 4934 ; Muslim 2172);
• looking at a foreign woman: Hanafis, Malikis, Shafi'is in the soundest view and the qadi among the Hanbalis allow seeing the face and hands without desire, under the reserve of the verse "let them not display their adornment except what appears of it" (an-Nur 31); beyond that, the gaze becomes sin;
• whoever does not feel safe from himself must lower his eyes and marry.

Practical note on marital intimacy

Between spouses the space is wide, and modesty remains a virtue; outside the couple, the barriers are clear: no seclusion, no lingering gazes. These rules come from the manuals of the 4 schools; for a precise case, consult a scholar.